


Forgive Yourself

by BoujeeD



Category: Undertale
Genre: Emotional Baggage, F/F, Female Chara (Undertale), Heart-to-Heart, Love, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert, Undertale Monsters on the Surface
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 07:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21070967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoujeeD/pseuds/BoujeeD
Summary: As stoic as she may appear on the outside, Chara is a whirlwind of emotional chaos. You love her and want to help her. But she has to tell you whats wrong first.





	Forgive Yourself

“Talk to me.” you gently whispered to Chara, as you softly cupped her cheek.

For the third time this week, Chara had another moment of social detachment. She had run off to her secret hiding spot. A spot that was in a remote location in the woods. It was an empty clearing with slightly lean, tall grass and flowers of various colors that painted themselves within the green grass. A place that she allowed the calmness of the forest allow to attempt and ease her chaotic soul.

Toriel had called you to ask you to check up on the distant young adult. Something in you always felt off whenever you heard Toriel’s voice laced with concern in regards to Chara. Toriel never had any real idea as to why Chara was the way she is now.

~

After Asriel and Chara’s abrupt return home, things were never the same. The joy of their return was short lived for the two.  
Everyone was over joyed for them being home, except themselves.  
Seeing their ‘friends’ and family everyday, only served as a painful reminder of the atrocities they committed while underground. Even if all of them were completely ignorant to these past events. Well almost everyone **<strike>Sans</strike>**.

Everyday self hatred grew in their souls like a festering wound.

A wound that refused to close.

A wound that refused to heal.

~

The house was always tense. Anyone could walk in and cut the atmosphere with a butter knife.

Even though it was never vocalized, and would never be vocalized, Chara held nothing more than bitterness and disdain for Frisk and to a far lesser extent Toriel.

Chara wasn’t much of a talkative person. She probably avoided conversation with others when she could.

However that didn’t apply to you.  
If anything she told you as much as she could handle saying. This is also how you’d come to find out about resets and times lines. As well as how she….. The topic was still all so confusing to you but, you don’t dwell on it. That’s because your only focus is the here and now.

What happened in the past, or previous time lines should be left there. Especially since you have no knowledge on what actually happened before.

“I…. I just can’t anymore.” You heart dropped in your chest when you heard how strained her voice came out. Her typically stoic voice sounded like she accepted complete defeat from whatever she was fighting.

“Chara listen. Maybe you should-“  
“No.” She already knew what you were gonna say before you could even say it. This conversation was one that was put on loop.

How it would be best for her to talk it out with others. How she should express how she feels. How much she let others know what’s going on inside her head.

Bullshit.

“Chara, I love you. I truly do. I need you to understand where I’m coming from with this. Why do you insist on allowing yourself to suffer the way you do? It’s not fair to yourself.” It was a challenge for you to speak. Trying to hard to hold back the tears that threaten fall. You hate seeing her in a broken state.

“Oh.” There it was. Her typically response. Her unapologetic way of letting you know she isn’t speaking on this any further.  
You go through this every time.

The most detailed conversation you can remember getting from her is the second night you two shared together. A night that turned from passion and feverish whispers of lust and desire, turned into sobs and confessions of regret and sorrow.

_The sudden confession of crimes she committed against innocent monsters left you disturbed and confused._

You were gonna let her win this. Like you always did. Always stopped in favor of her not becoming an emotional wreck, well any more than she already was.

But not this time.

“Since you refuse to talk, that means you’re gonna listen. You can’t keep beating yourself up over what you’ve done. And I’d be lying if I act like what you did was acceptable in the slightest, because its not. But Chara, your not doing that now, and you have to give yourself a fair chance-“

It didn’t take Chara long to become livid with you. And within moments she pinned you under her with her hands gripping your throat. Not enough to kill you but, just enough to hurt you. The pressure on your neck growing heavier as she lashed out and spoke.

“And just what the hell would you know?! Do you know what it feels like to come back to the only home you actually knew, to find out you're replaced by some random ass kid? To see your parents just okay with some mediocre look alike!”

“No. I-“

“**Shut the hell up**. Do you know how many times I’ve tried to figure out how to RESET, back to the very beginning, when everything was alright…”

And there they were. Tears. And surprisingly not from you. But from your lover whose emotions were finally set ablaze. Her grip on your neck slacken as she continued to pour out her heart and soul.

“I was so angry. I just took it out on them, over and over and over again. It made me so happy forcing Frisk……making her suffer the way I was. Watching Sans lose hope and cutting him down……. Even dancing in his dust…..”

Your own tears had long appeared and fell. Somewhere in your soul you knew you were supposed to be completely repulsed with what she was saying. But you just couldn’t. All you wanted to do was console her. To love her even more.

You somehow managed to wrap your arms around her and pull her down into your loving embrace. Her hands leaving your throat and so desperately hugging you back.

“I just wanna be happy. I just want my life back. I want things to go back to way they used to be….. Before all of this.”Her angry voice fell to pitiful whispers.

Throughout all of this, the evident hurt in her voice was too much for you to handle.  
You want to tell her you understand. You really do.

But you can’t .

You could never possibly understand how she felt and the emotional turmoil and suffering she went through.

You could never understand the suffering inflicted on to those she hurt.

You couldn’t understand any of that.

But there was one thing you could understand.

“This might sound hard but, you have to forgive yourself. You have to want to change and move on.”  
Chara only tensed in your hold but you decided to continue.

“I won’t lie to you and say things can go back to the way it used to be for you. After all your attempts, you know that better than anyone. But even so, you gotta make the most of what’s presented before you, right now. And Toriel didn’t replace you with Frisk. You know just as much as I do that the love Toriel has for you is irreplaceable.”

Chara finally lifted her head and looked you in the eye. She looked like how she felt, a broken person in need of love, care and understanding.

“Chara, I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you. And I can’t truly begin to be there for you, if you won’t let me. Please, allow yourself some emotional peace and just allow yourself the room to heal.”

There was a long pause of silence. After what just transpired, it was greatly needed.

You lifted your head to press your lips against Chara’s. She quickly reciprocated the action. Your soft lips felt like bliss against hers.

You two slowly parted, locking eyes.  
The tears had finally stopped and Chara lifted herself from you.  
Another pause of silence, this time a bit more serene.

Then she finally spoke.  
“Do you think….. I should start with Frisk? Or with Sans…..”

You didn’t need her to elaborate. You already knew where she was going with this.

“Which one do you have higher tensions with?”

“Probably Sans.”

“Well you can start there. But now. Take your time with your process, okay?”  
Chara simply nodded her. She got up and offered her hand to you. You gladly took it.

“Can we go back to your place and….watch a movie?” You looked over Chara, examining the red swollen bags under her eyes. Maybe a movie isn’t what you two needed.

You offered a better suggestion. “How about instead we just drink hot chocolate and cuddled. I honestly don’t think a movie is what we need right now.”

She agreed and with that you called Toriel and let her now Chara was fine and that she would be spending the night with you.

You two left the clearing and headed back to your place. In all honesty you couldn’t wait to snuggle close to your lover and wrap her in love and comfort.

**Author's Note:**

> This was something most definitely new for me. And I want to thank RoseDarkFire for the inspiration and feedback.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. Comments and critique are welcomed.


End file.
